Cooper enjoys preschool but I don't like some of the stuff he learns there.
Yesterday was his Christmas party at school and he came home with a bunch of toys and books that are supposedly from the teacher - from the grant the preschool got. I feel that if the preschool has money to spend then they should spend it on the items for the preschool - not on books and toys for the kids to take home. They are always needing things for the classroom and dollaring the parents to death. It irrates me. Plus one of the books that Cooper brought home I do not like at all. Both books are very commercial books and do not teach Cooper anything. One is a very expensive Toy Story book and the other is Iron Man. I wouldn't normally buy Cooper anything as violent as Iron Man and he hadn't watched the movie because I feel that it is too old for him. He is only 4. Most reviews of the movies say 8+ and more so for preteens and younger teens. I would much prefer him to have a teaching book where he can actually learn something productive.
And not only that he is picking up behaviors at school that I have not seen in him before- such as the get angry and quit after he can't figure it out after only a couple of minutes. He used to be the kid that would try at something for a long time.
Tuesday, December 20, 2011
Wednesday, November 16, 2011
Well I actually have a rave!
I know it is going to be harder than ever because we are still broke. But we have decided not to renew our foodstamps. We are going to try to live without them. Yes I know it is going to be tough, but I need to do this for myself, for my confidence. I feel like crap when I talk about being self sufficient and then relying on the gov't. I think I can I think I can I think I can.
as for a rant - my cat Bobbie walked over my keyboard today and ripped out 2 keys...
as for a rant - my cat Bobbie walked over my keyboard today and ripped out 2 keys...
Thursday, September 1, 2011
you will never know or care
You will never know how much you take away from this family. Because of you actions you have ripped this family apart, I don't know why you do this. Not only are you hurting yourself, your child, your parents, you are hurting your sisters and their families as well. No one is the same, and no one ever will be. I am not sure I can ever forgive you. You are a bitch if anyone has ever really truly been one, you are one. You cause worry and stress that is not needed. I don;t know you we use to be close or so I thought. You choose to not care and blame everyone. It is no one's fault but your own, and yet you blame everyone.
Saturday, July 30, 2011
Another Rant
thinking I should rename my blog to my rants... lol
I am really not an angry person, but I have no one to talk to about these things.
We are BROKE. B R O K E Broke and it sucks. I don't know if we have enough money to even pay all of our bills this month. We have 2 credit cards maxed out (So about $8,000.00 in debt on those) not to mention I have a Mohela Loan that we owe $6500 on and we still own about $7K on the car. I don't know how people do this thing. I try to be as frugal as I can, but with gas being $3.54 and diesel is $3.79 a gallon it is crazy. Chris makes right at $1400 a month. I stay home with the kids because I would be lucky to get a job making $8 an hour- drive 20 miles round trip- pay daycare for 2 kids (which would be around $40-$50 a day!!) AND if I got a job we would probably lose our food stamps (which I hate being on...but you have to do what you have to do I guess..) and the kids would probably lose their medcaid. We can't afford to sign the kids up on Chris' because for 2 kids or more it is like $350 a month! They don't have a smaller plan then that! Our bills right now take up over half of what Chris makes a month, the rest goes to fuel and basic toiletries.
Our bills:
Dish Network: $15.39 (We could cut this out but we would have to either buy a new tv or buy an outside antenae and a converter box since it all went digital--not in the budget) and we are not that kind of people that can go without. we have kids.
Insurance: $100 a month (we pay it every 3 months and it is about $324- that is for 2 cars and renters insurance)
Life Insurance for me and the kids: $40 a month
Verizon: $149 - 2 phones and internet (I need the internet for my online classes)
Southwest Electric: Anywhere between $60 and $120 a month. With the AC on it is higher.
Sears: $30
Lowes: $50
Chase: $140 min payment
TRU: $125 min payment
Amazon: $30 min payment
FFO: $25
Mohela: $80 will be going away once they realize I am in school again
Car Payment: $188
John Deere: $75 min payment
ugh
I am really not an angry person, but I have no one to talk to about these things.
We are BROKE. B R O K E Broke and it sucks. I don't know if we have enough money to even pay all of our bills this month. We have 2 credit cards maxed out (So about $8,000.00 in debt on those) not to mention I have a Mohela Loan that we owe $6500 on and we still own about $7K on the car. I don't know how people do this thing. I try to be as frugal as I can, but with gas being $3.54 and diesel is $3.79 a gallon it is crazy. Chris makes right at $1400 a month. I stay home with the kids because I would be lucky to get a job making $8 an hour- drive 20 miles round trip- pay daycare for 2 kids (which would be around $40-$50 a day!!) AND if I got a job we would probably lose our food stamps (which I hate being on...but you have to do what you have to do I guess..) and the kids would probably lose their medcaid. We can't afford to sign the kids up on Chris' because for 2 kids or more it is like $350 a month! They don't have a smaller plan then that! Our bills right now take up over half of what Chris makes a month, the rest goes to fuel and basic toiletries.
Our bills:
Dish Network: $15.39 (We could cut this out but we would have to either buy a new tv or buy an outside antenae and a converter box since it all went digital--not in the budget) and we are not that kind of people that can go without. we have kids.
Insurance: $100 a month (we pay it every 3 months and it is about $324- that is for 2 cars and renters insurance)
Life Insurance for me and the kids: $40 a month
Verizon: $149 - 2 phones and internet (I need the internet for my online classes)
Southwest Electric: Anywhere between $60 and $120 a month. With the AC on it is higher.
Sears: $30
Lowes: $50
Chase: $140 min payment
TRU: $125 min payment
Amazon: $30 min payment
FFO: $25
Mohela: $80 will be going away once they realize I am in school again
Car Payment: $188
John Deere: $75 min payment
ugh
Friday, July 22, 2011
I don't even know why I even try sometimes
A small marital rant...
It is Friday evening and my husband is out working on the baler that he doesn't need anytime soon so it isn't that important to get it fixed. I am stuck at home once again with the kids. Yes I love my kids but if you have ever been a stay at home mom on a strict budget (meaning you hardly ever leave the house) you know I need a break once in awhile.
Chris came home like he usually does at 4. He asked what was for supper and I told him I had a pork loin in the fridge thawed, and I would make some sides to go with it. So he left. aisdfghakjshf!!!!
Said he wouldn't be too long...it is now 7, supper is ready...and he won't answer his phone. Seriously?!? I am about to go nuts. I know Cooper is just at THAT age but I am so sick and tired of the questions and the whines! He won't be quiet! It is a constant yap. And then there is Sophia who WILL NOT POTTY TRAIN. This girl will hold her pee for HOURS and not sit on the potty chair or toilet. As soon as the diaper is on it is FULL. They will not play together if I ask them too.
I need a break away from the kids. I would like to take a break with my husband, but we have NO BABYSITTER that will keep the overnight. My parents won't keep them because "they are too busy"--I don't want to even get started with that.
Chris and I can't afford to go on vacation, but I would just like to be able to stay home and clean the house! It would take a day or two of constant cleaning to get it as clean as I want it. But I can't even have that! My house is a disaster and I can't stand it. I just want to light it all on fire. We have way too much stuff and not enough space. 700 sq ft is way too small for a family of 4. We have 2 bedrooms, 1 tiny bath, a tiny kitchen, living room, and a tiny utility room.
Chris wants to someday build a house...but at this rate I would settle for a $2000 trailer house as long as I had my own bathroom and could shut my bedroom door. This house is okay for a starter home...which is what it was supposed to be...but then the kids came and we make no more money than we did before they were here- in fact we make less. I can't work and put the kids in daycare because daycare cost more than what I could make. I hate living like this.
I would like to do a lot of things differently, but I don't even know where to get started. I would like to finish college, get a job/start my business, home school the kids, build a house etc etc etc. We could afford to live somewhere else but Chris doesn't want to until we can afford a farm. At this rate we are never going to be able to afford a farm. We are either going to have to use Mom and Dad's land (like we do now) or move to Weaubleau and use his grandparents' land (which we do part of the time) If we do move to Weaubleau I will definitely home school. One thing Weaubleau is known for is meth labs and marijuana. Chris doesn't know this but I would like to move there. I just want to get away from Half Way. I do like it here, but I have been here ALL of my life. I just want to live someplace different.
I am tired of feeling like a kid- I want to be treated as an adult. My parents still treat me like a kid. I am so sick of it. There are some days I just want to get in the car and drive away. But I can't do that because I am an ADULT.
<<end rant for now>>
It is Friday evening and my husband is out working on the baler that he doesn't need anytime soon so it isn't that important to get it fixed. I am stuck at home once again with the kids. Yes I love my kids but if you have ever been a stay at home mom on a strict budget (meaning you hardly ever leave the house) you know I need a break once in awhile.
Chris came home like he usually does at 4. He asked what was for supper and I told him I had a pork loin in the fridge thawed, and I would make some sides to go with it. So he left. aisdfghakjshf!!!!
Said he wouldn't be too long...it is now 7, supper is ready...and he won't answer his phone. Seriously?!? I am about to go nuts. I know Cooper is just at THAT age but I am so sick and tired of the questions and the whines! He won't be quiet! It is a constant yap. And then there is Sophia who WILL NOT POTTY TRAIN. This girl will hold her pee for HOURS and not sit on the potty chair or toilet. As soon as the diaper is on it is FULL. They will not play together if I ask them too.
I need a break away from the kids. I would like to take a break with my husband, but we have NO BABYSITTER that will keep the overnight. My parents won't keep them because "they are too busy"--I don't want to even get started with that.
Chris and I can't afford to go on vacation, but I would just like to be able to stay home and clean the house! It would take a day or two of constant cleaning to get it as clean as I want it. But I can't even have that! My house is a disaster and I can't stand it. I just want to light it all on fire. We have way too much stuff and not enough space. 700 sq ft is way too small for a family of 4. We have 2 bedrooms, 1 tiny bath, a tiny kitchen, living room, and a tiny utility room.
Chris wants to someday build a house...but at this rate I would settle for a $2000 trailer house as long as I had my own bathroom and could shut my bedroom door. This house is okay for a starter home...which is what it was supposed to be...but then the kids came and we make no more money than we did before they were here- in fact we make less. I can't work and put the kids in daycare because daycare cost more than what I could make. I hate living like this.
I would like to do a lot of things differently, but I don't even know where to get started. I would like to finish college, get a job/start my business, home school the kids, build a house etc etc etc. We could afford to live somewhere else but Chris doesn't want to until we can afford a farm. At this rate we are never going to be able to afford a farm. We are either going to have to use Mom and Dad's land (like we do now) or move to Weaubleau and use his grandparents' land (which we do part of the time) If we do move to Weaubleau I will definitely home school. One thing Weaubleau is known for is meth labs and marijuana. Chris doesn't know this but I would like to move there. I just want to get away from Half Way. I do like it here, but I have been here ALL of my life. I just want to live someplace different.
I am tired of feeling like a kid- I want to be treated as an adult. My parents still treat me like a kid. I am so sick of it. There are some days I just want to get in the car and drive away. But I can't do that because I am an ADULT.
<<end rant for now>>
Monday, July 18, 2011
didn't want to put this on my main blog
But I had to vent this out somewhere!
My mom is making me so mad these days. If you read my other blog, you will know that I have made some spiritual changes in my life. My mom is almost blaming me and she really hurt my feelings today. She said the reason I hadn't felt at home at Half Way was because I never took an interest. I tried to explain to her that I didn't feel like a member there. I have been searching for a new church home since before Sophia was born (I thought she knew that). I thought she knew that since I had been going to other churches on Sundays. I don't understand why she has to be so mean and cruel to me about it. It is not like I switched religions! I don't know why she just can't be happy for me.
I changed the subject and she was still degrading me. She doesn't like to talk about finances and I know it bothers her that I am on food stamps- it bothers me too. That is why I try to can and preserve as much things as I can. She doesn't understand me! You would think my own mother whom I see all the time would understand.
Another thing- she won't keep my kids. A grandma is suppossed to watch her grandkids. A grandmother is suppossed to love her grand kids, I feel part of the time that they are just a nusiance to her. She will keep them for a few hours, but not overnight. My kids go to sleep without a fight almost everynight, but she says they won't go to sleep at her house. If she would just lay down the law and make them, I think they would. But she doesn't try. She always says she will keep them over night to give us a break, when she has a break- but she never takes time.
Bro Zane preached last night on this- Yes everyone is trying to make a living but no one takes the time to do what is really important. Serve the Lord and have time to themselves. She is too worried about getting the hay done which I understand needs to be done, but she needs to take a break once in awhile. She makes me feel bad if I ask her to watch the kids, so much that if Chris wants to go out I make him ask. She always sighs and says I guess. I don't understand.
I know she has a lot of worries, but I try not to dedicate my whole life to worrying. I once heard a preacher say that worry is a sin, you should just have faith in the Lord to make everything alright. We all need to have more faith. I know I need to have more faith, and I am personally trying to make it that way.
Mom never slows down for fun. Fun for her is work. And it is not fair to the rest of us. My kids will never have good childhood memories of spending time with their grandparents.
I can't wait for revival to start, mom is upset that I won't go to Half Way. I can't believe that she is upset with me for joining a different church. I don't know how to explain to her that I felt unwanted there, not only by the people but by God. I wasn't suppossed to be there, I was only there because that is what was expected of me. Why can't she be happy for me?
My mom is making me so mad these days. If you read my other blog, you will know that I have made some spiritual changes in my life. My mom is almost blaming me and she really hurt my feelings today. She said the reason I hadn't felt at home at Half Way was because I never took an interest. I tried to explain to her that I didn't feel like a member there. I have been searching for a new church home since before Sophia was born (I thought she knew that). I thought she knew that since I had been going to other churches on Sundays. I don't understand why she has to be so mean and cruel to me about it. It is not like I switched religions! I don't know why she just can't be happy for me.
I changed the subject and she was still degrading me. She doesn't like to talk about finances and I know it bothers her that I am on food stamps- it bothers me too. That is why I try to can and preserve as much things as I can. She doesn't understand me! You would think my own mother whom I see all the time would understand.
Another thing- she won't keep my kids. A grandma is suppossed to watch her grandkids. A grandmother is suppossed to love her grand kids, I feel part of the time that they are just a nusiance to her. She will keep them for a few hours, but not overnight. My kids go to sleep without a fight almost everynight, but she says they won't go to sleep at her house. If she would just lay down the law and make them, I think they would. But she doesn't try. She always says she will keep them over night to give us a break, when she has a break- but she never takes time.
Bro Zane preached last night on this- Yes everyone is trying to make a living but no one takes the time to do what is really important. Serve the Lord and have time to themselves. She is too worried about getting the hay done which I understand needs to be done, but she needs to take a break once in awhile. She makes me feel bad if I ask her to watch the kids, so much that if Chris wants to go out I make him ask. She always sighs and says I guess. I don't understand.
I know she has a lot of worries, but I try not to dedicate my whole life to worrying. I once heard a preacher say that worry is a sin, you should just have faith in the Lord to make everything alright. We all need to have more faith. I know I need to have more faith, and I am personally trying to make it that way.
Mom never slows down for fun. Fun for her is work. And it is not fair to the rest of us. My kids will never have good childhood memories of spending time with their grandparents.
I can't wait for revival to start, mom is upset that I won't go to Half Way. I can't believe that she is upset with me for joining a different church. I don't know how to explain to her that I felt unwanted there, not only by the people but by God. I wasn't suppossed to be there, I was only there because that is what was expected of me. Why can't she be happy for me?
Wednesday, February 2, 2011
shopping-
I hate shopping-especially at the cutesy stores. They don't make clothes practical anymore. Every shirt is super thin and see through. It is WINTER! WINTER!! I need something warm-even dressy coats are not warm. and forget shoes!
Why aren't jeans warm? Whya re they so thin and stretchy? They fit when I leave the store, get home wear them for 2-3 hours and they are falling off of me?!? I like some stretch but jeesh!
Dresses- do they not make them anymore? I am in my mid-20's I don't want an old woman dress but I don't want a mini skirt either. I want a nice looking dress that doesn't make me look pregnant (empire waist things are horrible!) and I want one that hits me belwo my knees. Yes I am tall- I am sure there are others like me. I want a dress I can wear to church. I have a couple pairs of black pants that I wear to church and they were hard to find...and not many women even wear pants to church--we are expected to wear dresses/skirts. But if you can't find them...
I can't even hardly find nice skirts. Also I don't have a ton of money so I can't drop $40-$50 on a skirt and then another $30 on a shirt. ugh. People! I used to be able to find reasonable clothes at WalMart-but now they don't even carry dressy clothes except pant suits and really thin/low cut shirts. argh!
Shoes-- I have big feet and can never find dress shoes. I found a pair of plain black dress shoes at Payless the other day. They are the first pair I have seen in a long time. I wear a size 12 in Womens. Mostly I wear Mens shoes and flip-flops in the summer. My boots are mens. I actually have tennis shoes that are womens, but we had to special order them from New Mexico and that was 3 years ago...they are getting ragged.
Back to jeans- I can't find them long enough and in my size. I am a little on the heavier side and normally wear an 18/20W. I need a longer inseam than the "tall" I try to get at least a 35-36 inch inseam- would like them longer to go over my boots. St. John's Bay makes an Ultra tall jean that is 37" inseam but they only go up to 18-Not 18W. I have a pair of the 18's from before having kids and they are so low-waisted that I don't feel like I can wear them-plus they are tight. lol.
That is another thing- why do they think we all want to show our butts? and I don't want the muffin top look, wish they would make a jean that would stay up!
I could go on...Purses-can't find any that are not HUGE and BRIGHT or plain and grey. I just want a simple not over $50 purse that doesn't have a crazy pattern and isn't bigger than my diaper bag!
panty hose/tights are only made for women with short legs. None of the charts go past 6'0 tall and most only go to 5'9 or so. Well I am 6'3 and those extra inches really do matter because they are in my legs. sigh
Why do I have to be so undressable?
Why aren't jeans warm? Whya re they so thin and stretchy? They fit when I leave the store, get home wear them for 2-3 hours and they are falling off of me?!? I like some stretch but jeesh!
Dresses- do they not make them anymore? I am in my mid-20's I don't want an old woman dress but I don't want a mini skirt either. I want a nice looking dress that doesn't make me look pregnant (empire waist things are horrible!) and I want one that hits me belwo my knees. Yes I am tall- I am sure there are others like me. I want a dress I can wear to church. I have a couple pairs of black pants that I wear to church and they were hard to find...and not many women even wear pants to church--we are expected to wear dresses/skirts. But if you can't find them...
I can't even hardly find nice skirts. Also I don't have a ton of money so I can't drop $40-$50 on a skirt and then another $30 on a shirt. ugh. People! I used to be able to find reasonable clothes at WalMart-but now they don't even carry dressy clothes except pant suits and really thin/low cut shirts. argh!
Shoes-- I have big feet and can never find dress shoes. I found a pair of plain black dress shoes at Payless the other day. They are the first pair I have seen in a long time. I wear a size 12 in Womens. Mostly I wear Mens shoes and flip-flops in the summer. My boots are mens. I actually have tennis shoes that are womens, but we had to special order them from New Mexico and that was 3 years ago...they are getting ragged.
Back to jeans- I can't find them long enough and in my size. I am a little on the heavier side and normally wear an 18/20W. I need a longer inseam than the "tall" I try to get at least a 35-36 inch inseam- would like them longer to go over my boots. St. John's Bay makes an Ultra tall jean that is 37" inseam but they only go up to 18-Not 18W. I have a pair of the 18's from before having kids and they are so low-waisted that I don't feel like I can wear them-plus they are tight. lol.
That is another thing- why do they think we all want to show our butts? and I don't want the muffin top look, wish they would make a jean that would stay up!
I could go on...Purses-can't find any that are not HUGE and BRIGHT or plain and grey. I just want a simple not over $50 purse that doesn't have a crazy pattern and isn't bigger than my diaper bag!
panty hose/tights are only made for women with short legs. None of the charts go past 6'0 tall and most only go to 5'9 or so. Well I am 6'3 and those extra inches really do matter because they are in my legs. sigh
Why do I have to be so undressable?
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