didn't want to put this on my main blog

But I had to vent this out somewhere!

My mom is making me so mad these days.  If you read my other blog, you will know that I have made some spiritual changes in my life.  My mom is almost blaming me and she really hurt my feelings today.  She said the reason I hadn't felt at home at Half Way was because I never took an interest.  I tried to explain to her that I didn't feel like a member there.  I have been searching for a new church home since before Sophia was born (I thought she knew that).  I thought she knew that since I had been going to other churches on Sundays.  I don't understand why she has to be so mean and cruel to me about it.  It is not like I switched religions!  I don't know why she just can't be happy for me. 

I changed the subject and she was still degrading me.  She doesn't like to talk about finances and I know it bothers her that I am on food stamps- it bothers me too.  That is why I try to can and preserve as much things as I can.  She doesn't understand me!  You would think my own mother whom I see all the time would understand. 

Another thing- she won't keep my kids.  A grandma is suppossed to watch her grandkids. A grandmother is suppossed to love her grand kids, I feel part of the time that they are just a nusiance to her.  She will keep them for a few hours, but not overnight.  My kids go to sleep without a fight almost everynight, but she says they won't go to sleep at her house.  If she would just lay down the law and make them, I think they would.  But she doesn't try.  She always says she will keep them over night to give us a break, when she has a break- but she never takes time.

Bro Zane preached last night on this- Yes everyone is trying to make a living but no one takes the time to do what is really important.  Serve the Lord and have time to themselves.  She is too worried about getting the hay done which I understand needs to be done, but she needs to take a break once in awhile.  She makes me feel bad if I ask her to watch the kids, so much that if Chris wants to go out I make him ask.  She always sighs and says I guess.  I don't understand.

I know she has a lot of worries, but I try not to dedicate my whole life to worrying.  I once heard a preacher say that worry is a sin, you should just have faith in the Lord to make everything alright.  We all need to have more faith.  I know I need to have more faith, and I am personally trying to make it that way.

Mom never slows down for fun.  Fun for her is work.  And it is not fair to the rest of us.  My kids will never have good childhood memories of spending time with their grandparents. 

I can't wait for revival to start, mom is upset that I won't go to Half Way.  I can't believe that she is upset with me for joining a different church.  I don't know how to explain to her that I felt unwanted there, not only by the people but by God.  I wasn't suppossed to be there, I was only there because that is what was expected  of me.  Why can't she be happy for me?